In the last marriage conference that we attended at our church (In 2009, we were unable to attend this year because of arrival and subsequent newness of
Izzy she-who-must-not-be-named) we were made familiar with the book “Love&Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (It’s a great read, very engaging, unlike a lot of relationship books I’ve tried to read.). In this book, he proposes that a very simple principle will preserve your marriage:
Husbands, love your wives.
Wives, respect your husbands.
When this doesn’t happen (when one party doesn’t do their part) It starts something called the “Crazy Cycle” in which:
Husband reacts without love—>Wife reacts without respect–>Husband reacts without love–>Wife reacts without respect, and you get caught up in the continous routine, that neither party is happy with!
My husband and I have a cycle that we sometimes get caught up in, just not the No Love/ No Respect one.
Instead of this-
Byron: I hate you, because you have no respect for me
Christina: I have no respect for you, because you hate me
It’s more like-
Byron: I find it hard to pull myself away from work to spend quality together, because you’re not giving me any intamacy.
Christina: I find it hard to give you intimacy, because you won’t pull yourself away from work so that we can spend quality time together.
We work to pull ourselves out of this cycle, because we want to have a strong relationship, and as sure Love/Respect is vital, so is Togetherness/Intimacy.
Soooo, if you and your signifacant other are finding yourselves feeling as though you’re not getting what you need, maybe you should examine your relationship and see if maybe you’re not getting what you need because you’re not giving your partner what they need in order to give you what you need. I know that’s a mouthful, but do you see what I mean? It’s going to take a sacrifice on somebody’s part, to break the cycle, but the results are normally instantaneous!