Do the people that we hail as the parenting “experts” these days have adult children? If so, I wonder what kind of people they are? A lot of us follow these gurus like their word is gospel, but I’ve begun to wonder if we’re really raising our children to be the people that we want the to be. We think that Dr. Sears gives great advice on a lot of things (I do at least), but what if he’s raising a brood of selfish, ungrateful, racist, sexist terrorist or something? Not that I think he is, and I realize that I’m being extreme, but seriously? It seems that the people (and this includes all the “expert” moms on twitter, lol) screaming the loudest about the “right” way to raise a child…well, they haven’t exactly raised their own kids yet have they?
Even the AAP, who we should supposedly trust, changes recommendations all the time! Has anything other than “breast is best” and “back to sleep” been in effect for longer than a few years at a time? For everything that someone thinks is the “very best way”, it seems like there’s an expert who will disagree. I start to wonder if it even matters. Are we, as adults, who we are because of the decisions our parents made, or in spite of them? What effect will we have on our children?
I know a family where the house was filled with love, and the parents did their best to give the kids a good life. Two brothers and a sister. One sister and brother are really great people. Kind, generous, loving. The other brother is an absolute terror. He is selfish, and ungrateful, and think that everybody owes him everything. Same upbringing. So what happened? Is it because his parents gave them so much, or despite being given so much?
On the other side, I know a family where the parents were horribly abusive, and I’m not talking about a little spanking. I mean REAL abuse. Their daughter? She is sweet, and nice, and she actually mentors other children from abusive homes. She is a phenomenal woman. Is it because she was abused, or despite being abused?
It’s all so objective that I wonder why we spend time engaging in “mommy wars”. It’s actually pretty idiotic to me. How can you tell me what’s best for my child, when unless it’s something that can be UNFAILINGLY proven by unbiased science(ie, breast is best), you don’t even know if it’s whats best for you OWN kids? When I offer advice, I always try to make sure that I say “What worked for Izzy is”. I’m not an expert. Izzy is only 8 months old, and it hasn’t been a perfect 8 months. I will have your child just as screwed up as Izzy is probably going to be, lol.
Maybe Im just crazy, but Im starting to realize that in most cases, the decisions that I make regarding Izzy are really just a craps shoot. All that I (and any of us, for that matter) can do is focus on making the decisions that I feel are best, and that I am comfortable with, despite what the “Twitter Mafia” or anyone else thinks about them. They can screw up their kids in their own way, and I will screw Izzy up my way. 🙂