My name is Christina.
I have an addiction. To food. And really, I’m kinda serious about that. I really, really need to figure out how to combat it. Because I eat…just because, really. Like, I’m walking into the kitchen to get something, and in my head, I’m saying ” Christina, you’re not hungry, you know that’s bad for you, you’re going to ruin your calorie goal for the day, negate everything you burned working out, and just you’re going to having dinner in a few hours. DONT EAT THAT!” ……but then I eat it anyway. Because Evil Christina butts in and said “Bish, eat that honey bun! WHO GON’ CHECK YOU?!” And then I feel bad about it. What kinda mess is that?
I haven’t gained back any weight, but that’s only because I’ve been spending time working out. I dont want to work out just to avoid gaining weight. I want to see my hard work produce results. But I sabotage myself, and I just.dont.freaking.get it! It’s like… I have everything that I need.
-The desire to lose the weight.
-The means to eat a healthy diet.
-The time/oppurtunity to exercise.
-A supportive spouse.
-The physical ability to exercise.
-The knowledge of what I should/should not eat.
So….what’s the problem? It’s like I just can’t seem to reconcile what I know with what I do. AND I DON’T GET IT. And that makes me angry. To the point that I’m honestly feeling like it’s not even about losing the damn weight. It’s the principal! I can’t let Evil Christina win. She might want to be slow and overweigh, but *I* don’t. So screw her. Honey bun eating heifer.
(But how do I fight that urge that only sugar can satisfy. What do I do when warm, buttery carbs are calling my name? How I am supposed to fight that? HELP!!)