Manly Man or Nah?

Manly Man or Nah?

The first thing you should know is that I agonized over the title for this post, and then finally decided that was silly, so I wrote down the first ridiculous title that came to my head.

Still, it fits the topic of this blog post!

The second is that this is just my own opinion, not targeted at any one book, but a frustration that has built over a LOT of reading.

If you’ve read my work, you know that with maybe the exception of Aram (Haunted) (and that’s a big, BIG maybe) the hero in a CCJ novel isn’t going to be your typical alpha male. Traditionally manly, maybe, but none of the aggressive asshole tendencies that seem to be the hallmark of an “alpha” hero.

And i’m okay with that.

I write heroes who wont stalk the heroine if she asks to be left alone. Who won’t “take the pussy”. Who won’t engage in sex without clear, enthusiastic consent. Who respects the heroine’s wishes for her body, life, personal space, etc etc, because he understands that she is an adult, and capable of making her own decisions.

I don’t think that less aggression (with his partner), more expression of emotion, more willingness to settle things in a less caveman, grab you by the hair and drag you home manner, makes a man in real life any less manly… so why would that be the case in my writing?alphaman

In a recent (favorable) review, I was docked “alpha male” points because my hero used the term “throat chop” (because men don’t say this…even though i’ve heard my big manly husband and his big manly friends use it) and because one of the characters “allows” his future wife the use of a hyphenated name. That was that reviewers opinion, which is completely fine, and I appreciate the input, but…. I don’t write alpha men. If those items are representative of the standard, CCJ heroes will never fit into that box.

Again, i’m okay with that.

I’ve tried to write the stereotypical “alpha” male, with no real success. First of all, he ended up being a character with no real swag of his own, because I was trying to make him into something he wasn’t. I like to write characters as they come to me, and I really think that because of my personal sensibilities… maybe “alpha” men just don’t come to me. Maybe all the alphas get to the edge of my conscience, and say uh-uh, not this bitch, no thanks, leaving room for the men who don’t fit into that mold to come to me.

This is certainly not to say that those types of heroes can’t be charming, and magnetically sexy, because they usually are… in books. In books, these men don’t intend any harm to the heroine, would protect her through anything, put his life on the line. There’s a fantasy in there, of a strong, fearless protector, and I’ve read romances with this type of hero that I honestly enjoyed.

BUT.

In real life, a man that decides you “need” sex even though you say no, forces you to engage in humiliating sex acts against your will, won’t leave you alone, won’t let you leave the house, thinks they know best for your life, etc… that’s a fucking criminal. There is no “best case scenario” like there is in books, that’s the type of man that will kill your ass, and everybody will swear they “never would have thought, because he loved you so much, and seemed like such a nice guy.”

And I have a hard time separating that reality from fiction sometimes. I get disgusted, and the fantasy is over for me, because in real life, a man like that would disgust me.

It’s really important to me to show this in my books. Maybe my execution isn’t perfect, or the message doesn’t come through, but I try. If I can subliminally put the message in ONE woman’s head that a man should wait for clear consent before touching you, that saying “leave me alone” should be enough to not be harassed, that she should be respected and protected, etc… i’m thrilled!

I like the men who may not react perfectly, and who mess up, and sometimes give up sooner than they should, and then sincerely approach the heroine to make it right. I like men who are mostly sure of themselves, but sometimes not, and man enough to admit (even if just to himself or his homeboys, but especially to the heroine) that he doesn’t have all the answers, but will do his damnedest to get them. He can be rough in his speech, talk dirty, curse. He can throw punches to protect himself and what/who he loves. He works to pull his weight, contribute to the team, help ensure the best possible life for his friends and family. I like a hero who can be the man, with all his intricacies and hangups and flaws, who can be uniquely himself.

No “alpha” tag required. 🙂

I want to be completely clear that not every romance I’ve read that promoted an “alpha” male character that promoted the worst of that trope. There are plenty where the man is one after my own heart — a very strong, commanding personality and presence, self-assured enough and respectful enough of his heroine that his “alpha-ness” comes across in the protection of the heroine and in handling himself, rather than controlling or dominating her. And I swooned over every.single.page. This is the kind of “alpha” I can get with (and imo, the kind of man I write.)

I’ve read the other type of alpha too, in a redemption type of story, and that was good too. What I don’t (personally) buy — or sell — is the controlling, ridiculously macho, asshole-jerk “alpha” that I seem to keep running across in my search for new romance.

What about you? What do you consider an “alpha” male? Does the hero have to be an “alpha” to be sexy to you?

8 Comments
  • Dominique White
    Posted at 09:36h, 16 June Reply

    I am Team Beta Hero. Quietly confident, sexy, human but knows how to get ‘er did. BRING HIM TO ME.

    I am not a big fan of ALpha Heroes because in real life I don’t like to be bossed around. I don’t like things decided for me and I don’t like to be dominated. I think a man can take the lead without taking over my experience and unless I ask for you to control me, we in this TOGEVUHHH.

    On occasion I do read some books where the male is clearly in control.. but that’s agreed upon ahead of time and understood that that is what the female lead wants.

    I am all for your heroes. They are real, flawed men and they aren’t hood. Ain’t no ‘btiches’ and ‘this is mine’ and ‘do what I say’ in this dancerie.

    • Jacqui
      Posted at 11:23h, 16 June Reply

      LOL!!! First of all, you are hilarious! Second, I agree with every single thing you said.

  • Jacqui
    Posted at 11:27h, 16 June Reply

    Also, that whole “taking the p” thing? Yeah, that’s real rapey to me. There are laws against that. I remember those PSAs from the early 90s that said “if it’s against her will, it’s against the law”. I always wondered why there was a need to make a PSA about that. But apparently…

  • Carolyn
    Posted at 20:16h, 16 June Reply

    I just need respectful, loving, honesty, and willing to be the man I need. No ruling me and domineering personalities allowed. I’ll pass on that.

  • Faith Simone
    Posted at 07:53h, 17 June Reply

    I LOVE and am attracted to true alpha males. And I say ‘true’ because the jerks pretending to be an alpha give the real ones a bad name. Controlling, insulting, manipulative, selfish, domineering men are NOT alphas. They’re perpetrators. A true Alpha male is confident in himself and what he has to offer, will do whatever it takes to protect the ones he loves, and is secure enough to love and appreciate a strong woman. They don’t seek to break a woman down, because they are attracted to their equal in all ways. A real alpha doesn’t have time to try to control a woman, he’s too busy admiring her swag and handling his own business.

    And really, I think the reason I don’t read more romance novels is because I don’t appreciate the standard set by them. Since when is rape sexy? Since when does a grown woman NOT know when she’s ready to get it in sexually with a man? All that feminine confusion and over the top male dominance gets old. I’ve never been confused about whether or not I want to give my cookie up, and trust me I make it very clear either way.

    Keep doing you Christina.

  • Rae
    Posted at 12:09h, 18 June Reply

    I have been devouring your books within the last month and I love them because your male characters are not those typical, alpha assholes… They are far more likable and realistic… All that grabbing folk and sexually assaulting people in the name of love is so played….So, I say thanks…Don’t nobody have time for no mess anyway….

  • Felicia
    Posted at 15:12h, 19 June Reply

    Most definitely sharing this – you nailed it! Everything I’ve been trying to say in various recent discussions why the current male protagonists were all working my last good nerve is in your article! So many of the latest “dark, tortured, male” stories are little more than rape fantasies, and I cannot understand why they rank so highly…unless that’s a trendy thing I’m not up on…and do not want to be.

    Alphas are not all that great. Just because they insist on controlling things, does not mean they can…or can do it well. Would rather have a regular guy who knows how to take care of his woman and handle his business!

  • Azizah
    Posted at 00:45h, 05 September Reply

    I know I’m late to the discussion, but this right here is one of the reasons why I LOVE your books and your characters, and why I find your voice to be so refreshing. I’ve been reading romances for a long time, and the so-called Alpha male hero is a MAJOR turn off to me. A man who gets physical with me, belittles me, or forces his will on me is not attractive in person or on paper imo. But then it doesn’t surprise me that this type of hero is so popular. As they say, “nice guys finish last;” there are some women who are into the jerks.

Let's chat! Leave me a comment!