10 Dec Musings (Or, More Appropriately, Wherein I Overuse Parentheses)
Wow, i really sat down to type a blog post.
This really shouldn’t be a whole thing, but it means i’m pushing past the overwhelming urge to keep my thoughts to myself (or the inbox), lest i’m misinterpreted, which is like… a thing as well.
A thing i’m not gonna get into.
I’m going to say what i’m going to say (which is nothing really, I swear, so if you want to stop here…), and it’s going to be taken how it’s taken, and i’m not going to clarify myself because people see what they want to see anyway
So… there’s that.
This time last year (probably… or maybe it was the year before that) I told some lie about how I was going to start blogging more, and making videos, and yadaya. (Spoiler alert, aint no videos, ain’t no blog posts… i don’t even think I made sure to post an “available now” post for every book i published this year, if you cared to know just how deep the trash tendencies go.) I could claim it’s been a busy year, (it has. I’ve released like six or seven (?) books, been to Dallas, Hawaii, LA, and Orlando, started working out again, etc etc) but that’s really an excuse. I’ve binge-watched (in entirety) Living Single, Supernatural, NCIS, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Criminal Minds, Game of Thrones, Friends, Frasier, Z Nation, Jericho, Law and Order SVU, Once Upon a Time, Brooklyn 99, Golden Girls, Kimmy Shmidt, and some other stuff, probably.
If I had time to do that, I had time to get my shit together.
I decided though, that instead of waiting until next year, waiting for this or that, I would just go for it – just start.
So here we are.
I’m talking about starting.
Okay, I can pivot.
Ten minutes after i hit publish on this post, i’ll be diving back into the project i’ve been crying about for weeks now – Wonder. Years ago, I started talking to my friends about wanting to do a series of kinda sorta but not really fairytale retellings, but I always shifted the idea aside. Months and months ago, I decided I wanted Alice in Wonderland to be my first thing, a dark twist on it that made it wholly my own (as much as it can be, when clearly inspired by classic work), and…. you guessed it, I put it away.
But… it’s what I want to write.
I’ve been whining about people not “getting” it, and being annoyed at weird ass comments i’ve gotten about it, but really… this is about me. It’s what I want to write. I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t want people to love it like I do, but i’m also not gonna not write what I want, because that is how this thing works – I write what/how/when I want, I provide it for public consumption, and they take it or leave it.
There’s gonna be people who leave it (as an aside – I don’t want to talk to you about it, if you leave it. Or if you take it, and hate it. Leave your honest review if you want, even if it’s one or two stars, that’s your right, vent about it with your friends, or whatever, but… don’t talk to me about it. It’s fine if you hate it, or aren’t into it, but I love it, or I wouldn’t put it out. Don’t kill my vibe. It’s never helpful. It’s never harmless. It’s never for my good, even if you think it is. It isn’t. Thanks.) and that’s fine. It’s no skin off my back.
But even with all the possibilities for how my feelings might get trampled on, and how i’m so in my head about it, even with the anxiety, I loooooooooooooove this project. I love the characters. I love the premise. I love the promo. I love the cover.
I love myself for starting it.
I’ll love myself even more for finishing it.
And I love myself for writing this pointless blog post, because I said I would, and I did.