So Over It!

So Over It!

Breastfeeding, that is.

Seriously.  With the exception of the first maybe…two months, I have been struggling with my milk supply for the entirety of this round of breastfeeding.  I have sinus/allergy issues that won’t resolve themselves without antihistamines.  Antihistamines dry you out, and my milk supply isn’t immune from it.  I’m one of the *ahem* lucky women that resumes her cycle immediately after giving birth, despite full time breastfeeding.  So every.single.month, there’s another hit to my milk supply.

Imagine me, guzzling water like a maniac, drinking Mothers Milk Tea, popping Fenugreek like breath-mints, always attached to a baby or a breast-pump, AND taking those disgusting More Milk Plus drops, only to barely sustain a supply that’s not even enough milk for the baby. Even with all of that, we needed to supplement with formula!

So, Thursday night.  I’ve on the tail end of a nasty sinus infection.  Baby has woken up to eat, at about 1am, like she always does.  I’m nursing, switching between sides for about hour, longer than I ever have to be up with her, and I can’t figure out why she’s still so incredibly fussy.  I fix her a bottle.  A big one.  6oz of formula.  She guzzles it like she hasn’t eaten in days.  And it breaks my heart that my baby was that hungry after nursing from both sides.  After she finishes the bottle, she passes right out.  Super content, and I go back into our bedroom and start crying my little eyes out.  And when I was done crying….I was over it.  No more pills, no more drops, and I’ll be damned if I hook myself back to that machine.  I.am.over.it.  And as luck would have it, I came on my period the next day.  x_x

With Zoe being 6, almost 7 months old, I can’t think of a single benefit to continuing to stress myself to death trying to breastfeed.  She’s definitely not ready to wean yet, and I’m not even considering that, but she will be getting formula on a pretty regular basis from now on.  She makes it obvious when she wants to nurse, and I won’t deny her.  We’ll still nurse at night, because it helps her back to sleep.  But when she’s hungry?  No more hesitation to fix that bottle.

11 Comments
  • Tina
    Posted at 10:51h, 07 May Reply

    Good for you. Life is hard enough without hanging on to unnecessary anxiety/guilt/frustration about something we can’t control. Not being able to exclusively breastfeed my baby for at least a year was probably the single most stressful aspect of having a newborn (especially since I needed to supplement with a nursing aide when my baby was just a week old, and felt immense guilt about not knowing why she was so fussy that first week, she was just hungry). I’m hoping I’ll spare myself some of the anxiety/guilt/frustration with baby number two who’ll be here in June, but the pressure is so intense to breastfeed at all costs.

    • christina
      Posted at 20:57h, 08 May Reply

      Good luck Tina, and thank you for your comment! And congrats on your soon to be new baby!

  • Disco Diva
    Posted at 09:24h, 08 May Reply

    We are lucky we live in a time where there is an alternative to breastfeeding. Mothers don’t have to stress and worry that their children aren’t getting enough breast milk because they can supplement.

    Don’t stress yourself. You did it for 6 months…thats awesome!

    • christina
      Posted at 21:03h, 08 May Reply

      It is awesome! We truly are lucky to have options!

  • Preshus Me
    Posted at 14:07h, 08 May Reply

    Good for you! No need killing yourself over it if it’s just not working for you. A happy full baby, no matter how, is what’s important. And a happy mama too!

  • krissy
    Posted at 14:47h, 08 May Reply

    long as she’s eating no matter how it gets done is what matters most

  • YUMMommy
    Posted at 17:44h, 09 May Reply

    At the end of the day, we have to do what’s best for our babies. You’ve tried a lot of options to increase your supply and there’s not really much more you can do except supplement with formula at this point. I’m proud of you for giving breastfeeding another go and still being open to continuing to breastfeed in addition to formula feeding!

  • Roses Daughter
    Posted at 04:07h, 15 May Reply

    It’s all about having a full baby. If she’s happy, and you’re happy, that’s all that matters!

  • Amber
    Posted at 10:58h, 16 May Reply

    I agree with all of the previous comments! I didn’t make it past two weeks with N. I was so grieved over that! I felt so much better (once I got over it) and she started drinking from a bottle. My relief made me happier, which made me more present for her. And she did fine on formula! This mommy life ain’t easy!

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