Like… There’s a part of of me deep, deep down that kinda wishes I hadn’t even woken this beast up. Because when I wasn’t writing, I was fine with not writing. Now that I’ve started? I HAVE to.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE writing. It makes me insanely happy, but damn, y’all.
Writing the first book was (relatively easy). The second was quite a bit harder. This new one (The Trouble With Love) is… man. I want to get it right. I really, really wanna get this right. It’s more “grown up”, with more difficult relationships, less than perfect characters, and that’s tough. It’s really tough to do this without turning my characters into caricatures. I want to do right by them, and do them justice, not just make them fit the plot. I want to become the best I can be, which means writing, and writing, and writing. It means reading, and learning, and erasing 30 pages of a manuscript because they suck. It’s tough.
And it’s lonely.
Everybody wants to feel like someone “gets” them. Like you have “cosmic twin” that’s thinking the same way you’re thinking, wants the same things you want, and in the case of what I’m looking for, has the same drive you have, the same incessant need to talk plot points, the same need to constantly read, and just wants to talk writing. I just wanna talk writing with someone who’s actually interested, lol!
Like I said, it’s lonely.
Then, there’s that nagging little voice telling you “This is crap. Your writing is crap. You, my dear, are a crappy freaking writer. You suck!”
And jeez Louise, it’s so loud when you’re reading something an author you admire wrote. They’re stringing together words so beautifully, so (seemingly) effortlessly that it makes you wonder if you’ll ever possibly be able to evoke the same emotion in your readers. Sure, it’s inspiring, but God forbid you get in front of that computer and no words come out? Man, talk about a blow to your confidence!
I don’t have help or solutions for any of these, unfortunately. I’m just navigating the best I can. But if you can relate to any of this, just know you’re not alone. We’re out here.